Drag Queen Carwash

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Mmyep. Stevie Nicks. Stevie was already taken, so I got the Nick half.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Ooh. hmm, Wednesday? yea, sounds good.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yep, it's not spooky and neat like Emmies, but it suits me.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Salami.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not yet. Imma spooky breeder. :D
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Hells yes.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Does a day go by without the sun shining somewhere?
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? luckily yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Hmm, dunno. In theory, yes.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Fruity Pebbles!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No. Almost all of my shoes are slip ons. me so lazy.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? I like Phish Food!
13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Mods.<-- I'll go with that. :)
14. RED OR PINK? Pink!!!
15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? "My ass, I suppose." <--But I like your ass!! hmm, I guess I don't like my fat? haha.
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Not really missing feeling, more of a "Getthefuckouttamyheadyouidiot" kinda thing. :)
17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? Don't care!
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? My dark jeans, and my awesome comfy brown loafers.
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The T.V, King of Queens.
20 IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Hot Pink!
21. FAVORITE SMELLS? grass, pomegranate, and sex.
22 WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Johnny:)
23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? USC football.
24. HAIR COLOR? Pink and black.
25. EYE COLOR? Poo brown.
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope, Imma glasses kinda girl.
27. FAVORITE FOOD? Hawaiian Pizza!
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings, movies make me happy. funfun.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? "Somethings Gotta Give" funny as shit.
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White, my Reservoir Dogs shirt.
31. SUMMER OR WINTER? toss up. both are awesome.
32. HUGS OR KISSES? I'm affectionate, and hugs are cool, but I love kissing.
33. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? dunno.
34. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? *Shrug* <- same
35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? Mousetales. my Disney brain loves emmie.
36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Laptop. soo.. fingerprints.
37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? the last half of "Somethings Gotta Give" saw the first half this morning.
38. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? my key windchimeishthing. And rain! I'm realizing this more as it keeps on raining. I sleep better in the rain.
39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles!! Emmie, I can feel your glare.
40. WHAT'S THE FARTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? My awesome trip to Disney World!!
41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I'm good at tossin a rifle. yay!
42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? East Los Angeles. WoOt.
43. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? doooont care.
44. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? psh, I am broken. I shall stay broken.

Josh was right. Why do I do this to myself? I put myself out there, I actually wanted to go with my mom and sister to mexico. It was just for a doctor visit, but I thought maybe I could get in some quality time with them since we'd be in the car for a while. But after the first hour I talked too much and was reduced to Ipod-ing it through Mexico. On the way back, me and jackie were eating leftovers, and she got mad cuz I ate her rice(she tried to give it to me in the restaurant, but I guess it was different rice in the takeout box) so then she shook my soda, so I opened it and spilled it in her car. She started yelling then my mom came out and got mad at me. Then jackie grabbed my cheetoes and soda and threw them away. So I shoved the box of leftovers out the open door (we were parked) and got sauce on her pants (hehe) more yelling, a really hard punch to my shoulder, and a few empty threats later, here I sit. Shoulder still throbbing, all I can think about is the pot and pannini waiting for me... and the memory of seeing a shirtless mathew mcconahay at the border certainly helps pass the time.

Disclaimer: I am high as shit.

Yes. I have gotten into a slight obsession with Rain king live(well, anytihng with Counting Crows live), all the bluesy stuff Augustana does, and the giant ball 'o' sex that is Adam Levine. It's spooky... I drop an egg. chills.
I am poor: birthday suckedishkindasortaitwasok....ish.

I want my other best friend back. Serio.

PS:swingswingswing. miss you.

-La Furia Gringa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__FB3OPNhh8

Whenever I hear this song, I feel really slutty. Serio.

"Harder To Breathe"

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' [CD cover says: "funkin'"] tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe

whoa. ok ok, no more procrastination for me! just crammed a whole presentation in 2 days! very large presentation i might add. she wanted a lot more info then was on the initial project paper. but I'm done. now i dread the grade. oh how i dread the grade. ok not really, but I coulda done better overall.

I see am IM saying that the relationship with his bff is strained, and the next I see an LJ post about how Uriah and his mom are saying I am holding him back. What.The.Fuck. His mom said to stand back and see who you associate with. How in order to be successful, you must be with the ones who want the same things you do, who have ambition and who will help you along the path to success. Apparently, I have none of that.
...WTF?!?! So what am I doing that is so detrimental to his success in anything?? I try to help him with his homework as much as I can, and I have ALWAYS been supportive and encouraged him in whatever he does. I was the one who stuck beside him when he wanted to be a musician, and I'm always praising him on how all of his artwork has improved even in the short time he's been in school. I supported him when he wanted to go to the Art academy after high school, while his mom didn't. I've always been their for him, I've never doubted or abandoned him for anything. But Im the one holding him back. Now, he " must decide between my future or staying in a very codependent friendship." Because lord knows, no one has ever been successful when they are very close to their friends. This fucking hurts. I give him all the love and support anyone could ever receive, and because his mom and precious uriah say I'm holding him back, he questions everything.

I don't have a problem with him living with me. I guess I'm oblivious to how big a fucking deal having a small house is to him. having his own space. yea, I know sharing a room has its downside, but I seriously thought we had it worked out. Am I the fucking Idiot because I actually like living with my best friend? When did closeness ever mean codependency? He can do exactly what he is doing now without me, and vice versa. So what's the big deal? It's because some people who don't even know me saying I'm harming him.

I just had a four hour long conversation with this guy in my drawing and computer class. I had seen him in these classes and just dismissed him as kind of a lame, slightly arrogant, gamer nerd. But we pretty much ditched our drawing class together (we were supposed to be drawing stuff outside, and the teacher happily turned a blind eye to everyones ditchness), and talked about everything. He even volunteered to help me with anything involving a computer when I informed him exactly how computer illiterate I am. He was actually really funny and sweet.... and he spoke spanish. hmm. interesting. I really gotta stop being such a judgmental douche.

Manda... Call me !!!!!!!!! *squints*

ok, so my shoulder got re-fucked up this past week. I don't know how, but I think I aggravated an old colorguard injury. but anyway, I knew I had to take some pain pills to make it through work... but me and pills like to get carried away. 6painpills+4anxietypills= reeeeally high nicole. at work no less. it was fun at first, but towrds the end of the night, my head started to pound (the shoulder reduced to a dull throb), ugh, my stomach was all queasy, and I was getting dizzy. funfun.


I still can't believe I passed a drug test to get hired there.

drug free work enviorment my ass. :)

My computer Applications class. I can't do this. it's a dark, cool room, complete with a teacher who has a soothing, accented voice, squishy desk chairs, and computers with fast internet access... I'm doomed.

I need something to get up for in the morning. Something better than keeping this shitty little house from cracking in half, Going to my craptastic red and khaki job, being an unappreciated tolken fag hag, and my stomach hurting cause Im trying to fix everyones and this houses' problems completely alone. two steps forward, six steps back... all the time. I keep saying I'd be a shitty girlfriend, but really, if I can give so much to people who treat me like crap, imagine how I could be if someone actually cared about me? With no ulterior motive, the only thing in it for them is my love. naaah, I'm kidding myself.

But now i have school!! I'm gonna draw again!! I eyeball Josh with 'slight' annoyance, I can't get over his need to be on the phone 24/7... especially on the freeway. I dunno, you just dont kill my "loudmusicfastcar20minutefreewayfreedom" by turning down my music and talking all the time. *mentally chucks his phone out the window* I feel a bit better. :)
Hopefully my slump will die as I throw myself into school. funfun... Having a regular lay isn't hurting either.

I just wanna smoke some pot and read in my hammock.

1. Do you like blue cheese?
Eek. No.

2. Have you ever gone streaking?
Not that I can recall… but it really would be something one would do while drunk, thus might lead to the not recalling issue.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope, people with guns tend to, um, get shot.

4. Your favourite song?
I think right nooow... " Cowboys Los Angeles" by Counting Crows. Hehe.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Ha, I can’t even remember my last doctors appointment.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Only Pinks!!!!! I love me some pastrami dogs.

7. Favourite Christmas song?
"baby it’s cold outside” Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald. Sweeet.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee if I get up early enough… but usually its Sobe green tea.

9. Can you do push ups?
“Not to save my life, no.” <--- totally on with that.

10. (there was no 10... I make up my own 10.)If you could borrow anybody’s talent for life, who would it be?
Kat Von D. hands down.

11. What's your favourite piece of jewelry?
The big silver bracelet I got at a yard sale. It’s so pretty. I was gonna go postal when I thought I lost it. J

12. Favourite hobby?
Drawing, smoking pot… drawing while smoking pot.

13.Weirdest place you slept?(no #13, so I make my own!)
My grammas garage roof, drunk as shit. Calling Em. fun fun.



14. Do you have A.D.D.?
My sister thinks so… can’t sit still while getting my hair cut. Friends can prolly cite more examples. >.<


15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
My inability to say no to people…and I’m getting more nitpicky as I get older. Its spooky.

16. Middle Name?
Arlene.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
1. I wanna go to a movie… drive-in preferably.
2.The pretentiousness of rich people in New York almost kills the city for me.
3.I need monies!

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
1. Hair color. (Fuchsia kick, it was so not fuchsia)
2. Subway (5 dollar footlong!)
3. Sobe.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
1. Sobe
2. Horchata
3.Powerade

20. Current worry right now?
All the dumb money issues that refuse to leave me be.

21. Current hate right now?
Money. See above.

22. Favourite place to be?
Anywhere with people I don’t want to shank.J

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Got high and ate…so original.

24. Where would you like to go?
“Everywhere” I concur.

25. Name three people who will complete this?
Dooon’t care.

26. Do you own slippers?
Mmyep. Purple and clouds.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
“I wish I knew how to quit you”
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Never had the pleasure.

29. Can you whistle?
Not very good…no.

30. Favourite colour?
Purple, mmyep.

31. Would you be a pirate?
Well duh!! Could you think of anything better?

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Alotta Rent.” Take me or leave me or leave me” is a song my subconscious singy part of my brain seems to associate with a shower.

33. Favourite girl's name?
Sadie, Xanadu

34. Favourite boy's name?
Jude, Jojo all Beatles names ‘cept Xana.

35. What's in your pocket right now?
Kneaded eraser, naturally.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Josh made me mac ‘n cheese, he brought it to me and it was a smiley face on the plate, “its happy to see you.” sweet dork. J

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Beauty and the beast. My Disney movie as a child.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Third degree sunburns anyone” that, plus I broke my wrist.

39. Do you love where you live?
Its ok, permanently dirty no matter how hard I try… but I can do whatever I want, so it’s a trade.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three, one in every room that’s not the bathroom.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Hmm, prolly Francis.

42. How many dogs do you have?
My Dolce and Stinky!! Used to be Gabbana, but he, you know, stunk. Hes old and crazy.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Don‘t know. They’re prolly crazy though. Only crazy people seem to like me.

45. What is your favourite book?
White Oleander.

46. Favourite Candy Bar?
Midnight milky ways. Ima fatass.

47. Favourite Sports Team?
USC Football.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Goo Goo Dolls' version of "Don't Fear The Reaper."

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Watching Edward Scissorhands and eating a “No-pot, munchies-inspired feast” cooked by Josh (tacos, corn, and horchata)

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Need to get a job… want pot.

nikkis hittin' ebay... this can't be good.

I can get over the fact that he leaves his shoes everywhere, takes my computer whenever he wants, uses towels once and leaves me with loads of laundry. I can almost live with his sense of entitlement; everything I own is ours, everything he has is his...I have nothing that belongs to me, but I'm ok with that cause I'm a giving person. I just need a little back... just a litte tiny bit of courtesy. But when I sit down to watch a movie, or read, or draw... I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR HIM TALK!!!! He becomes a fucking jerk when he's on the phone, and he treats me like the tolken fag hag who he can dismiss, talk down to, and treat like shit. I fucking hate it. So the asshole comes, all fucking smiles and sits while I'm watching Greys in the same room. I ask him to leave, he just laughs me off like I'm a piece of fucking crap. Who the fuck does that? I hate this, all of it. Being a nice, non-douchey person has gotten me nowhere. I can feel myself turning into something I am not. I don't want to be anything like him, I don't want to turn into an asshole.

I need a lotta pot and a haircut.now.

so, I make this semi-rash decision to go to art school. turns out, not a bad one... its going awesome. fun. but theres still that little voice thats telling me its all gonna blow up and go to hell soon. nothing this fun lasts this long. I think it's gonna be the money that kills it. at least I'm preparing myself for it.... my impending doom.
aside from that, I'm going into a slumpishthing. I get up, smoke, eat, read, watch tv, smoke, eat, sleep. I know I need to do something... but time here is litterally sucked down into the vortex of this house. I smoke after I get home from school... then it's next week. I need to get back on track. Go to the gym, actually give a crap about what I eat again, find a damn job. I could go on, but I shall spare you. everything went to crap after florida. odd. its that whole universal web thingy... everythings connected. everything is fucked up. on the top it looks ok. but It's all going to get fucked up soon. i need to pay back my bank 5-600 dollars. plus a whole bunch of crap for school. the moneys not there. but i need a job. no one will hire me. so i dont even try, now all i do is get high everyday and paint.


I need to cut my hair.

Now I see how parents can get their kids hooked on anti-depressants, painkillers and shit like that. My dad is sick, but I don't think its him physically, I genuinely think hes realising what his life is coming to. A house behind his mothers, his daughter taking care of him, missing her when shes not home. Brother dying. Hes just a spectator now.

You don't ever want anyone you love to feel pain. I just want to give him a pill to make everything right again, make all the pain go away. But I know its not that easy, nothing is.

I think I'm begining to understand how this kind of pain works. It seeps its way into your soul, litterally weighing your body down with the sheer blackness and hopelessness of it. It's so much easier to give into the pain completely, let it consume everything, let it crush you.... It's much harder if you have to fight every minute of every day to be happy. If you let it go on, let it get deeper, sporadic moments of happiness almost seems like your lying, faking, or even betraying the depression.



either that... or I'm overthinking this, waaaay too much.

I'm in ur journal, fuckin wit ur settings.

Uh, yeah. It is still a work in finish. I progress tomorrow.

WOO TEQUILA!

I just talked to Em about that 15 year old who was killed by his classmate cause he was gay. All I can think about is the fact that the killers parents and society had instilled him with so much hatred, insecurity, and fear that he took another persons life. Does anyone not grasp the enormity of this!?!?! I just did. And it makes me scared. I want kids, and I'm gonna teach 'em love, acceptance, and tolerance. But the fact is, I'm not gonna be the only person they learn things from. So my solution?

Change society, one person at a time. cheesy, but It's what I do.

Blows. Ugh. Ok, it wasnt that bad, but still. Since Josh is gone, I made sure my Ipod was charged...I can't function by myself without music; plus he was the one who told the idiots who follow you around campus to sign stuff or MAKE you get free movie tickets to fuck off. It's ok, I just sorta walk by and feign deafness.
Is there any way I can just take art classes forever? I wanted to bash my head through the window(which gives me an excellent view.... of the blank wall of the next building.) after three classes of pure lectures over two days. Then after driving to the Armory....took forever to find...I finally get to draw something!! yay!!! I seriously feel more comfortable in art classes then I do anywhere else. In places like that, i just feel like I can do anything, you know? Being with other people who look as weird as I do might have something to do with it.No joke. In my child psych class, everyone kept staring and the teacher kept asking about my hair and piercings ("did they hurt?" "No...I'm a slight masochist."). but yea. I think it might also be the cleandirt feel in places like that. Like my room, cleandirt(Speak).
The only thing that sucks about Pasadena is you have to pay for parking...everywhere. Even for work I had to pay 6 bucks unless I bribed the parking structure nazis with free Jamba or if I stole tip money. And since the drawing class isn't on campus, it's another 2 dollars aside from the 2 I pay at school. ugh. I need to make my dad get another handicap pass, finding a space is a bitch. I always try to help people out, I give random people coming in my parking permit... does that bring in good karma?? I don't think so, it took my 20 minutes to find a space. sleep now. kinda. my dog will be mad, I must shove her off my pillow. good day.

so my sister says i should write a book about how i take care of my father- mostly cuz I call her and complain about him and she said the way i talk about everything would be an interesting book. She said im a good writer,(nobody use this entry as an example... I'm hungry.) I think she said that cuz every paper I've written for her has gotten an A. ...she couldnt have mentioned this when i was screwing around and smoking pot for an entire year?I'm starting school 2morow. *shudder* ugh. i was gonna write something about mine and joshs sick and twisted sexless marriage... but josh is boring. i think im gonna write in this more. for starts... then we see about book. i think a book requires a far greater attention span then then i could ever provide.

I'm sad, sick, and pms-ing. I'm crying cause I don't know what to do about josh. I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever he talks to his boyfriendishthing Uriah. Josh always sounds so happy when he's talking to him.... and I know he wants to be with him in whatever state he lives.... and he says the only thing keeping him here is me. Why would I want that? Of course I want him here, but he's not happy....how can I think we have an honest, loving friendship, coexist in the same house, and work at the same shitty job.... knowing in the back of my mind he doesn't want to be here? I can never make him happy on a basic friendship level...I know he cares about me, but sometimes I catch myself thinking, "does he even love me?" sometimes I think all he can love is himself, and I say that in the most non-offensive way possible. I think I threw away a true, loving friendship away over something dumb and petty. How can you lay next to your crying best friend and not comfort them? She wouldn't have done that, she couldn't. She loved me. "If I could turn back time...."

Ugh. I hate josh. Serio. Just because he might have a "boyfriend" now he thinks he can talk down to me and kick me out of my room!!!!!!!!! Omg, if he thinks I'm gonna be driving his sorry ass around to be with his latest fag, he is sorrily mistaken. It just fucking hurts that in the 2ish months that he's been broken up with rhyke, we've been perfect. We had our separate lives, but we always talked at night or watched a movie... we did something together. But now that this new guy waltzes in, he ignores me and refers to me as a roommate. I deserve better than that. I want to punch him in the face when I hear him giggling across the room. Its even worse when they're talking. Josh'll talk to me at random times, I'm the tolken fag hag, essentially. Ugh. Someone pitty me.